No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
