We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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