I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Randomize
