the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
