oh fat girl friday strikes again...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
