need another drink. this is the easiest way
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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