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• (909): View more from California

  good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?

  (760): View more from California

  You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish his dick was as long as his hair.

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• 

  29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.

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• (325): View more from Texas

  This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be

  (325): View more from Texas

  Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.

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• 

  21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?

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