i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
