I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad