saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.