I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
