We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy