I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...