dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
