I am puke
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
