dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
