I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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