I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
