I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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