It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
