You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
