Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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