Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Randomize