They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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