Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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