i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
