will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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