i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
