Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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