I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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