I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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