I puked a lego.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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