my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
