man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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