she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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