Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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