I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
