the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
