I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
