I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
