Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
