my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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