Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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