it's too hot outside to masturbate.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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