Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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