bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
