I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
