I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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