I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
