I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
