dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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