I think I am morally bankrupt
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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