Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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