I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
