i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
