Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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