The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
