I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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