Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
