I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
