Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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