I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
