You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
