New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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