God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
