We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
