this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
