There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
