where does the pee come out of this thing
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
