He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
whose ass print is on the piano?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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